I had a conversation with a good friend of mine yesterday. Dream again! It was how she said it that spiraled my thoughts in different directions. I realized I have stopped dreaming. Way before I had this little boy, I focused on achieving my goals and dreams. I had so many dreams, I was quite sure it wouldn’t all happen in this lifetime. The sad realization hit me like someone threw a stone straight to my heart and I had stopped breathing.
I wanted to work as a nurse. I aligned my plans to that dream. I took exams and attended seminars to upgrade my knowledge. I volunteered for a nursing job that made me pay for the number of hours which shouldn’t be the case. When the nursing council of New Zealand sent me their approval, I was ecstatic. I looked for schools right away that would allow me entrance for the three weeks school program. It was a challenging time for nurses. Finding a school was like looking for a needle in a haystack. I waited and I got tired. They couldn’t accommodate me because the list was quite long. I felt that my chosen profession didn’t love me back.
I embraced photography whole heartedly. I’ve been asked many times how I started. I’d usually say it all started as a hobby and then later on became a business. The business side is quite heavy to fathom. I still don’t want to consider it as a business BUSINESS. You know what I mean?? I don’t want to drown myself with shoots after another because I want to enjoy what I do and not be mechanical about it. I’ve been pacing and have been trying to achieve that dream to have more time for family. I’ve been praying too and dreaming that I be blessed with clients who will appreciate my craft and maybe love the images I took of them, too. Is it too corny to say that I am not here for the money. I do what I do because it is where my heart is. My dreams are tied to what I do!
Dreams change and I think that’s alright! From dreaming to be a nurse — day dreaming about meeting characters like Derek Sheperd and Meredith Grey, to work in a hospital that would be pay me well while I wear the funkiest and the most colorful scrubs, ensure my future with benefits like health insurance and retirement to what I do now —– chasing and freezing moments!
I have changed! And so did my dreams. My dreams now consist of the simple things in life-like more time for family and friends who are like family, good health and seeing my children achieve their dreams. I dream of going places and fill my heart with the beauty of what is out there. I should go back to writing my dreams down in a journal. I used to do that years ago, but then life happened and a part of me stopped believing. I was so busy living, I forget about dreaming.
I’ll dream again!
Some photos of my little boy and a dream catcher he played with from one of the baby shoot we did.